Managing Expectations Of Emotions
Updated: Aug 23
It's crazy to think that I have been in ATL for almost 6 weeks now, it's been a blast overall. But I had one of the more emotional days yet this weekend. One thing after another was going wrong and the job transition finely caught up to be perhaps grieving the familiarity I had in Louisville. So being in a bit of a rut I decided to write and I came to this blog...
Being able to control your emotions is next to impossible for me but if I can understand the expectations I have around emotions for the situation or experience then I’m more inclined to be nice to myself. For all my women out there when I notice when I’m on my cycle I'm on edge or incline to have negative thoughts and spiral quickly and unconsciously. Just something I have noticed...that only added to the weekend. Otherwise, when I am thinking about managing my emotions I look at what I am spending my time doing, I try to make sure that I am diversifying it-not just dating or hanging out with only my roommate(though I'm really enjoying both). I want to volunteer, be outside, meet friends, cook, work out and meet new people.
But this can also be exhausting, especially while building out what this looks lIn doing this I try to give an authentic representation of who I am when meeting people for the first time. Reflecting I think I have done a good job at this IE I have many things fulfilling me, I think this is good for managing expectations of emotions.
I run into some trouble that I think might be soured from being empathic almost to a fault, I believe people have the best intentions, However, recently I try to change my outlook to be that someone else’s intentions aren’t bad they’re just different from mine. AND the trick is to believe them when they tell you/show you who they are.
I have to remind myself that any shift in my mindset is going to take time to stick, especially the ones where I have to unlearn the habit/saying. Just because I understand why things happen doesn’t mean I don’t feel things or shouldn’t feel the emotion.
I have been being more intentional in taking a second to check in, ask myself how I feel from the experience the using that to dictate if I do the experience again. I think about this when I first started volunteering in ATL, the organizations I am with have a special component in addition to serving. If I’m being hard on myself I judge that I could be doing more good/working harder. BUT I always feel connected and humble and sweaty, those feelings keep me coming back.
I also think I have to realize if I want all the balls in the air they might not go as high as if I just really concentrate on a few. So if I am going to do all the things above maybe I should count the low-hanging fruit as a win with connection and volunteering all in one. sometimes I think emotional space is needed like creating boundaries. Lately, it has left me feeling unexpectedly more spacious. I get this feeling like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop because I wasn’t emotionally exhausted or dreamed of my time in that way. Which makes me wonder if happiness will teach me as much as pain and loss. I think because I've seen the depth of what is hopeless/bad for me/underappreciated feels like I feel the adverse more deeply -when it's hopeful/good for me/well appreciated.
How do I want to feel? Of course, I want to feel hopeful and happy with an optimistic view. But are those emotions realistic all the time? A good example of this is how I expected to feel moving cities and how I have felt. I think living in different cities short term has helped me acclimate to Atlanta more quickly than I foresaw. I expected to be a little lonely at times or like I was in the city by myself, knowing I consciously pushed myself to pursue things to negate some of these feelings. Overall I feel like I’ve landed on my feet here.
On another note, I know how it can feel to talk to people that are living the dream that you are chasing. I tend to think how could you possibly know what getting a job during covid is like you have had one this whole time. Or maybe it’s your skin or how long you have been trying to find a partner. I understand that weathering it alone seems to make the time that much harder. With all of this, I don’t want to diminish your emotions, I don’t know & can’t guarantee me saying any of this will make it better.