• Monica Jackson

Graduating in Grief

Updated: May 23, 2020

I think we can all agree that there has been a durastic amount of things that have changed & lost control over the past two months due to COVID19. Yes I know we probably all have gotten better at staying put since this began. I have most definitely taken more pauses in the demand to slow down my lifestyle. Two months ago I craved this.

But now I feel grief.

We are alll dealing with collective loss of the wold we knew. We are all going to talk about the times before COVID19. To grieve this is appropriate & necessary. Grief is the the loss of something & we have lost so much. Like most any other loss we didn’t know what we had until it was gone. Yet we all have to feel this loss.

We have lost our version of celebration, gathering for meals, physical touch. We have lost the ability to morning over love ones together, we have lost school days, & proms. We have loss of jobs, security & feeling connected. Even in this season I don’t think I have the time to count the total amount of thing we have lost or continue to loose. That makes it really hard to call it out by its name. But I am told we have to name it to feel it.

I am grieving the loss of my graduation, the way I had a relationship with people. I am grieving the normality I knew. I’m not here to compare loss with you, your loss is completely valid & legitimate.

What are you grieving?

The worse loss is always yours. I am sorry that you know such a low. AND how you greave & heal won’t be a universal thing either.

There is no one on the other side yet, the only way to get through this is together. So let it be known that I am grieving & struggling. I wanted to share thing in case you are too.

Monica Jackson graduation
Monica Jackson graduation picture

Right now I’m having trouble thinking of the things i get to do (going on walks or learning Indonesian) as a requirement to feel productIve. I know productive gives me a sense of accomplishment & if I actually wrote down everything I did in a day, the list would be so long. I think I’m looking for a seance of purpose during COVID19, I’m in this limbo time between graduating college & leaving for the Peace Corps (at an undertrained date!).

But that the meaning won’t be in the death, it won’t be in the loss. The means come from what we do after, that’s the only we can make sense of this. Coming from grit & growth and out of the loss I have learned we need to name meaningful moments. Today that might be different the yesterday or tomorrow but that doesn’t diminish the importance of them.

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