• Monica Jackson

Imposter Syndrome In Relationship

I wish I could say to my past (& present) self that there is no rush in a relationship in so many ways! There is no rush to spend your favorite holiday away from family & special traditions just to be in the same place together. There is no rush to leave your roommate (who is great) to move in with your partner. I have to tell myself if we are going to be together long term the opportunity will be there still/again. I think it’s unlearning that this isn’t a temporary thing so everything doesn’t have to happen at once, like rushing to spill out my feeling to him as soon as I get an inkling of words for them, it will come out in due time. I tell myself “If I feel something that deeply it won’t change easily or over one day AND neither will his!”

One sign that I know I’m healing and expanding my self-awareness is that I haven’t felt like my partner and I are going to break up when or after either one of us is traveling. It took a second for one of us to go on a trip and then get back to Atlanta to wonder he would still want to hang out. * Que Edna voice from the Incredibles* pull yourself together! If I’m with Mr. Long Leggs he will want to see me after some time apart, but with the last trip the I never got triggered to question the relationship.

In the past, I went through some dating experiences that were unconsciously influential at the time and have taken some time to do the work to synthesize what I can take away. One being to know when I’m creating problems in my head. One of the ways I’m overcoming the relationship imposter syndrome is knowing when I need to stop questioning and start listening (to my partner, my feelings & wants). A few of the ways I feel confident that we will be a lasting relationship are:

  1. I feel fulfilled in the relationship & by him in a way that gives me so much inter peace

  2. He has all of the qualities of my favorite people

  3. It might sound contradictory but It’s challenging. Not it’s so internally challenging I don’t know what’s going on, but rather I feel challenged, emotionally, intellectually, physically to show up & strive to be my highest self. I want to be heart open, be vulnerable & ask questions that will make us go deeper

I also am finding comfort that I get to enjoy the day-to-day things too. I don’t have to know the whole path I just have to focus on the next step.

Maybe the relationship imposter syndrome is the universe giving me my fair slice of the pie. I think it’s normal for people to get imposter syndrome about their first big job but I didn’t get any second thoughts about taking on this job. Yes, I still wear my employees' name tag so I don’t get mistaken for a student. But I had no doubt about accepting this role even though it meant moving 6+ hours. I am focused on saying & doing what I need to be good at my job. Doing this I have accepted that this is not a forever job despite how hard I worked to get here. I’m starting to think critically about what kind of work & opportunity I want to pursue next. What are the pillars I want to build my work around & how does the next job fit into that? What is the legacy I want to leave behind?

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