• Monica Jackson

Let’s Normalize ‘Not Being Okay’ All The Time (& Here Is How)

Updated: Sep 30, 2020

Do you know that feeling when you get back from a good vacation, you have this buffer that’s like a cushion to make the normal the things I do every day a little less hard & heavy. I come back with this charge to work on this big project, or check on these long distance friends, I am rested for once.

When I don’t have the cousin, the buffering space, I notice I am more rundown, I pay less attention to detail & I’m not as good a friend.

This is going to be a little hypocritical for you Mon but, what if you could be this version of yourself more often?

How do as get there?

Taking some time to just be, some time to not think about the future or next step, some time to think about what is. Set a time to relax at lesat every week (if not everyday), not just watch a tv show but actually have a relaxing/edifying activity (podcasts, documentaries, audiobooks) or something that allows you be with my thoughts (painting, walking, blogging).

Stop putting putting pressure to be “okay” all the time.

We are human we built to feel a full rage of emotions 100% of the time. I are used to think I should just be happy but I was missing out on some pice that the rest of the world knew how to access. I thought if I win this event or get the boy or travel to this place, I’ll be happy.

What i have found is that these goals & material things (most of the time) prolong my happiness, they create an either or conflict, either I achieve my goal & I are successful or I don’t & I fail. But it doesn’t make any sense to restrict my goal to the one scenario to make me happy. When I come up with a process I don’t have to wait to be happy for.

I can’t be happy all the time

Part of the human experience is a negative emotion. We have adopted the belief that

when someone ask if I’m okay, I am expected to say yes. More often then not we experiencing more emotion than one word can blanket. Accepting that it is normal to have many emotions and they will likely be overlapping. I can be happy & still be frustrated or lose my temper. In addition sometimes I neglect to remember If I am asking/praying for courage I’m not gonna get courage, I’m going get the opportunity to be courageous.

When I wasn’t okay

I want to tell this story so I can refer back to it if it ever leaves my memory. I went to volunteer with a friend in downtown Louisville at jail support for the protests (a place for people that think they might get arrested or people getting out of jail to charge their phone & get some food & find out more about their legal rights). I dropped off the food that I brought to the church, I started to make a sign to signal where people can find water & restrooms, with 8 or so volunteers around me. When I went to put up the sign there were 150 people from the protest seeking a safe place (this church). There were also a line of Cops/National Guard surrounding the perimeter of the property because it was now past curfew (it was not my intention to still be out). The tension built over the next 30 minutes as my fears raced it. “I am in support of BLM but I’m not in a place I’m my career I can afford to get arrested,” I thought. My friend & I managed to leave unnoticed down a side ally in her car. This was the night after Breonna Taylor’s case decision was announced, there were over 200 people arrested over the 2 days. It felt like the riskiest things I have ever done, I was feeling restless & unsettled for the next few days, glad I are got out but also glad I know what that experience is like.

It’s excusing & draining, & it’s been going on for 120+ days. It isn’t fair for me to get tired, I’m a white woman. I would bet I am only feeling the cut a fraction as deep as my friends who are black.

So with all of this, the lows will always wake you up to the high that you weren’t paying attention to.

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