• Monica Jackson

The Social Cost of Moving

Normally when I publish a blog it is sourced from a set of notes and ideas I have written down over the past month, but time has been at supper speed lately. I haven't made as much time for blogging as I would like. That is to say, this is a time lapse of thoughts that I have been sitting with for a while.

When I came to Atlanta I had told myself I wanted to make friends so I wasn't going to date for a few months....I started dating to see the city and then I found myself catching feelings. Luckily (he is increadable and) I had the discipline to get to know why I wanted to be with him and why he is good for me before I got too deep. I think moving my whole life to a new place made me conscious of who I wanted to spend time with. The concept of dating in a new city made me take a second to sit in a discomfort that has healed some anxiety and fears in finding a partner. I asked myself who did I want to be texting or set the plans? I would communicate when I wanted. I learned that my chronic overthinking brain was not looking for the security in/pressuring him and the young relationship I that became more frequent as I got to know him and when I saw that the energy and feelings were reciprocated. We had a conversation about a month in about being

l mlj taking seriously, therefore wanted to take our time with it (we still could have taken more time). It was the best thing to treat my anxiety/anxious attachment style. I never know the empowerment that came from communicating what I want on an everyday premise in someone I trust. I find myself challenged by this relationship in the best way.

As healthy and as much time as I want to spend with my partner, I learned weekly girl time is still needed (& to communicate that). Also, long-distance friends on a phone call helps but doesn't do the same thing for me as in person time does. Layered on that I have a few friends in Atlanta now but I don’t feel like I have a community quite yet. It feels very natural to go veg on my partners couch but i don’t have that in a friend yet.

With the friends I had in Louisville, they were a long time in the making so it makes sence that the ATL people don’t seem as familiar. There is a saying that goes "I overestimate what I can do in a year and underestimated what I can do in a decade." I don’t think there is anything that can create better relationships than time over tension. The adult working world is also weird, to get a text from some people once a week or seeing each other every six months is a gift. Okay, that might be a little dramatic but you get the point.

There is part of me that aches when I miss the birthday party for a friend back home. Or when I can't hug a friend that is going through a hard time with their family. Im miss that friend group connection here that’s like “I’m not going to claim to know your experiences but I am going to stay at my curiosity about it and hear to listen.“ I haven’t found that girlfriend but I’m puttin the time in to make in happen.

Last thing, I have been struggling with body image lately, it’s not as bad as it has ever been but not as good either. It’s interesting to me that this flare of it is not connected to food, mostly it seems to be from comparison. I know I gotta name it to tame it so thre it is. I’m trying to be graceful in re-process it is like “ no no we’re not gonna focus on that.” You are actually makin’ a strong body in the kitchen and gym. So we’re gonna focus on who we are trying to become, the people we are serving, the impact we are striving to make. Focus on the abundance and what we are able to create. I’m not going to live in scarcity and insecure thoughts all da time. I tell myself “you can choose your thoughts.” I still have a lot of learning, living, and loving to do

Love you, miss you, mean it, bye

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