• Monica Jackson

Struggling To My Like Body

Updated: Feb 16, 2020

There are some people that equate their value & worth with their size, I used to be one of them. It’s really easy to say “I need to eat healthier so I can loose a few pounds”, but Mon, if you made a list of all the things you have accomplished, 0% have to do with your body mass.

The challenge is not loving the number, it's can I love my body no matter what? There is no such thing as goal weight. I am really looking for a feeling & I think i'm going to be there when i'm 130 lbs or whatever number you have in your head. When in reality you are looking for the feeling of confidence or the traction of success. It’s harder for me to not workout- I have to tell myself it's okay not to. Its a deeply rooted feeling of unworthiness. See a number I'm unhappy or surprised by, brings up the same feelings. I start going through lists of things that I find worthy and honorable about myself, likr mentoring youth at risk, graduating college or any number of other amazing thing. That’s the same body that weights whatever weight, hun!

It’s also the same body that ran 500 miles last year so I know it is capable & healthy. More then that being active & challenging my body is what I love. So over the last month workouts have been more w heavy weights & less running (that's drastically different from the last 12 months). That means my body looks different & quite frankly I like how my body has been looking lately. Weighing myself is just something I avoid. I know it can trigger me to have a spire of bad thoughts, but things come up like doctor appointment that require it. News flash Mon...a lot (!!!) of people don’t like the number on the scale . But that number dose not negate all the work I’ve done to love my body or be in a good head space. That number is pretty arbitrary.

Lastly, bodies are meant to change. I'm are not supposed to be the same weight at 17 that I will be at 25. I have & will continue to go through things that affect me & my weight, sleep, routine, exercise fluctuate. That’s normal, my body is smart & it’s trying to take care of me. It’s important to listen to it! It may see like I eat really healthy or workout a lot & always have positive mindset but know I struggle with my body too!

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