• Monica Jackson

Processing Is Discipline Not Motivation

Updated: Apr 22

I’ve been a little busy applying for jobs and soaking in time with friends as of recently. I’ve had some short thoughts that aren’t fully developed but I wanted to let them loose on

here because processing is muscle of discipline not motivation & it can be hard and heavy if everthing takes up space.

-i’ve really been working hard at expanding my thoughts and in diversity, Equity and inclusion that being said I’m here to get it right not be right. I get $hit wrong all the time I am a person with a disability, I get still get it wrong sometimes on being an alley to the queer community or the plight of a different socioeconomic class than me. For example I thought I was being an ally I proximity to people of color ( i.e. I had friends that were black) but that’s dangerous for many reasons, top of the list being it puts the burden of teaching what it means to be black on the black friend. But one and reality the average white person is smart they can look at the world critically and vote! I can be responsible for educating themselves, across all identities.

-“She doesn’t need me” was one of best/most complementary comments from a new partner I have many ever heard. The context is a fresh relationship one of my friends just stated, the guy say to his parents “ she’s great but she doesn’t need me”. I want to start thinking that way in my own relationships and friendships. I don’t need them but I like them enough to keep them around.

-As ambitious as I am I also come with the other A...anxiety. The past few weeks I felt like I’m still laying on the edge of my seat. on the agenda is looking for a new job/interviewing for said job, leaving my friends and family & moving to a new city I’m not sure when the end will be in sight of this process so I don’t know if I should be coping for the long or short term. The whole process makes me feel like I’m on the bachelor (in a bad way) I don’t know what are you thinking but I do know that they’re thinking or looking for specifically but seeing other people. I was reminded by a friend that I am right there with the best of them, this is actually normal for people in my age group/Who just got out of relationship/ Who are looking for a big, new job. All the things you were feeling fit within the normal circle up emotion I can be expected with experience you are going through.

- I have to give myself credit I have also seen a lot of growth and managing my anxiety. I recently my mom a trip to visit friends in Cincinnati, it seems sort of like the Sunday Scaries but I get the day were supposed to leave. This happens on most trips for me, this trip it was better it happened much later in the day and was less severe. If your experiences to these are a few things that have helped me.

  1. Tell your friends in the moment that’s happening

  2. Identify what the feelings are sourced from and what you can do to lessen the feelings

  3. Acknowledge my feelings don’t feel them by this I Think to myself “of course I’m feeling x way, I have Y thing to do today”

To clothes I want to say likely every person reading test is doing 150% of what would be enough the the average person.

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